A year ago, it was very common for my mum to want to go home or insistently ask to do so. At that time, she was still in better condition, despite her diagnosis of vascular dementia. She often expressed the desire to go home or would get up and head towards the door, determined to leave, convinced she was in a place she didn’t recognise as her own.
How did we react? We usually managed to distract her by changing the subject, offering her something to eat or, if she was particularly agitated, taking her for a drive. This strategy worked well and helped to distract her without causing further agitation.
What has changed today?
The situation has become more complex. Despite the medication, her level of nervousness has increased. This likely happens because she understands less of what’s happening around her and finds it harder to express herself and comprehend what we are saying. This worsens her anxiety and prevents her from finding calm.
Today, the desire to “go home” is no longer one of her requests, and this saddens me because it means her condition has worsened. Now, she simply goes towards the door, obviously locked, nervously trying to open it, or bangs it violently because she can’t get out.
The summer, with temperatures between 36 and 40 degrees, hasn’t helped and has actually made things worse. Promptly, around 2:30 or 3:00 p.m., she becomes agitated and wants to leave the house, banging on the door forcefully, shouting and insulting, in an attempt to get out.
What to do in these cases?
1. Don’t contradict her: Avoiding direct opposition to her requests can be useful, although it’s not always the most effective strategy, as it depends on her level of agitation.
2. Try to calm her down: Speak in a soft and reassuring tone, trying to bring her back to a state of calm and divert her attention.
3. Understand if something is bothering her: I’ve noticed that, when communication becomes more difficult, she struggles to clearly express her discomfort or pain. Often, asking directly doesn’t help, so it’s important to figure out if she has pain in any part of her body or a headache, which is often the cause of her irritation.
4. Consider the heat (in summer): During the summer, she might feel hot but not be able to communicate it. A solution that I’ve found effective is to use cool water compresses with cotton cloths, also keeping in mind that she can sometimes suddenly feel cold.
5. Interpret the signs: It’s difficult, but trying to understand how she expresses her discomfort is essential. Remembering these signs can be helpful in recognising and addressing similar situations in the future.
Things I’ve noticed when mum is nervous:
– She moves her hands in an agitated manner.
– She tries to dismantle objects or tear tissues.
– She repeatedly stands up and sits down.
– When sleeping, she makes sudden movements.
– She mimics the action of sewing, an activity she did all her life, both as work and as a hobby. Recognising and interpreting the signs of her nervousness has become essential to help her feel more at ease. Every person with dementia develops specific behaviours, gestures, or habits: understanding and identifying these movements or tendencies can be key to recognising their discomfort, especially when they can no longer express it verbal
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