In the two years since my mother started showing mild signs of dementia, with a diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment in 2022, many things have changed. Today, there are times when it’s impossible to understand or communicate with her through words.
I’ve noticed that the first cold snap or heatwave can greatly impact the condition of a family member with dementia. Last summer, the heat seemed to make things worse. Her level of communication didn’t return to normal or at least to how it was before the summer.
My mother is 81, almost 82, this coming February. She has been in good physical health over the past four years. Yet, like most elderly people, she feels the cold even at temperatures around 18–20 degrees Celsius.
It’s challenging to understand what she feels when she barely communicates and has difficulty expressing herself. Is it just the cold, a rheumatism, a headache?
I don’t live with her, so I call or do video calls with Alexa video in the mornings and evenings.
Being there from a distance is difficult because everything seems amplified, or nothing makes sense. Sometimes, it feels like she doesn’t respond because she doesn’t understand or can’t hear me well—who knows. Other times, it feels as if she is absorbed in her own world, an unconscious world of her own, where words aren’t needed.
When I’m with her, even if she can’t finish a sentence or find the right word, I hug her. Sometimes, we sit on the sofa, and I hold her because she seems so small and vulnerable, like a child.
Indeed, like children, sometimes she lets herself be hugged when she’s tired, though I don’t know what my hug means to her. Other times, she walks away, much like a child would, engaging in some activity, often hiding or moving something from one place to another, where we’ll likely never find it again.
Repetitive Evening Routines When Communication is Absent
For example, in the evening, after dinner, she doesn’t follow the television or our conversations. The topic of dialogue is set aside as it becomes too difficult.
If she has a kitchen cloth, she’ll clean the table; otherwise, if she finds something to take apart, like a pen, she’ll dismantle it. Sometimes, with a napkin, she’ll fold and unfold it as if she’s ironing it or cut it into perfectly even pieces. It reminds me of when she used to sew, cutting patterns for one of her creations with scissors and a ruler.
Typically, after dinner, if there’s water in her glass, she tries to pour it on the table or put something else in it if she finds anything.
If, on the other hand, you upset her, as happened this evening, she tries to throw water at you.
In this particular instance, I looked for online resources to see if some of these behaviors were common among others with dementia or if I could find an explanation, although maybe there isn’t one. Overall, I found nothing, but I hope that these few notes can help someone seeking insights or a point of reference.
Other things that help relax her in the evening are listening to a prayer or doing a rosary. It’s so hard to figure out what gives her comfort. I even thought about buying some toys since she’s always moving her hands. I found some companies that make toys specifically for people with dementia. I’ll try some and share the experience here.
Leave a Reply